Introduction
Summary of the Book What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew by Sharon Saline. Before moving forward, let’s take a quick look at the book. Parenting a child with ADHD can feel like stepping into unfamiliar territory, filled with confusion and moments of high emotion. Yet, hidden within these challenges is a remarkable opportunity to foster growth and build trust. The five C’s—Self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration—are not quick fixes, but guiding lights that help you support your child’s unique brain. By modeling calm responses, understanding their struggles, working together on solutions, maintaining reliable routines, and recognizing each step forward, you nurture their confidence. Your child learns to navigate everyday hurdles, discovering that mistakes are simply stepping stones toward greater skills. As you gently apply these principles, you become their ally, not adversary, transforming tension into cooperation. Rather than feeling stuck, you’ll watch as they progress toward independence, resilience, and a future shaped by understanding, hope, and success.
Chapter 1: Understanding the Hidden Landscape of Your Child’s ADHD Brain Wiring That Shapes Daily Life Challenges and Surprising Strengths.
When we talk about ADHD, we often picture a child who can’t sit still in class, who daydreams or blurts out answers at the wrong times, or who struggles to finish homework without becoming frustrated. But ADHD is not simply about being easily distracted or overly energetic. It’s a complex condition rooted in the unique ways a child’s brain is wired. At its core, ADHD affects something called executive functions. These functions are like the brain’s managers, helping us plan ahead, remember what we need to do, control our impulses, and stay organized. For a child with ADHD, these brain managers sometimes feel like they’re on a break, leaving the child unsure of what to focus on or how to get started. It’s not that your child is misbehaving on purpose; it’s that their mind is working differently, which can cause confusion and stress.
Imagine that inside your child’s head is a busy control room filled with tiny workers who pass messages around. In a brain without ADHD, these workers smoothly share information and keep things running in an orderly fashion. With ADHD, some workers are slower, some get distracted, and others misplace messages before they reach their destinations. This makes tasks like starting homework, remembering to pack a lunch, or simply waiting their turn in a conversation more difficult than you might expect. Because these executive functions struggle to keep up, the child can feel frustrated, misunderstood, and even ashamed when they can’t meet the expectations of adults or keep pace with classmates.
It’s important to realize that ADHD is not a new discovery. Doctors have been writing about children who show signs of trouble focusing, staying calm, or following instructions for more than two centuries. Over time, we have learned that ADHD isn’t just about boys who can’t sit still. Girls and adults can have it, too, often in forms that are less noticeable. Modern science has shown us that differences in brain chemistry and development affect how children learn, think, and respond to their surroundings. This growing knowledge helps us understand why your child might struggle, and it encourages us to seek strategies that guide them toward success.
By seeing ADHD as a unique brain wiring rather than simply bad behavior, we begin to shift our mindset. Instead of feeling disappointed when our child fails to meet a standard, we can ask, How can we help them learn the skills they need? This approach leads us to the five C’s of ADHD parenting: Self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration. These five C’s form a powerful framework to understand your child’s struggles, create supportive routines, and highlight their efforts. With this knowledge, you’re not just a rule-enforcer—you’re a thoughtful guide who can help your child navigate challenges, discover their strengths, and build the confidence that they need to thrive.
Chapter 2: Peering Into the Emotional Rollercoaster: How ADHD Shapes Feelings, Frustrations, and Unspoken Hopes.
Parenting a child with ADHD often feels like walking into a room where someone has turned the volume knob way up. Your child’s emotions—whether excitement, anger, sadness, or frustration—might surge quickly and intensely. This is partly because children with ADHD struggle to regulate how they feel. Small setbacks, like difficulty with a math problem or misplacing a favorite toy, can feel like monumental disasters. They may yell, cry, or shut down entirely, leaving you feeling puzzled or even hurt. But remember, these emotional storms are not chosen behaviors. They spring from a brain that finds it challenging to put the brakes on big feelings. Your child’s experience is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt, and your calm presence can help them find a safe way off that wild ride.
When you watch your child struggle with feelings, it’s tempting to think they are acting out on purpose, seeking attention, or trying to test your patience. Yet, what if you viewed these moments differently? Imagine that their sudden outburst is actually a signal flare. It’s their way of saying, I’m overwhelmed, or I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling right now. By recognizing that your child’s emotions might be working against them, you can shift from seeing them as disrespectful to seeing them as confused or frustrated. This approach encourages you to listen more closely and respond with empathy rather than anger or punishment.
Children with ADHD often feel misunderstood. They might believe that adults expect them to just get it together, without realizing how tough that really is. This misunderstanding can create shame and sadness. Many kids keep asking themselves: Why am I so different? By acknowledging their difficulties, you open doors to honest conversations about what it feels like to live in their world. The more you understand their inner experience, the more you can guide them toward tools that help them manage intense emotions. This can include breathing exercises, quiet breaks, or simply talking about what’s bothering them.
Your role as a parent isn’t just about setting rules and consequences; it’s about being a safe harbor in emotional storms. By staying calm and offering a listening ear, you show your child that you care about what they’re feeling. Together, you can try different strategies to ease their emotional ups and downs. This creates an atmosphere of trust and respect, which lays the groundwork for introducing the five C’s. Before you start working on Self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration, it’s helpful to understand the depth of your child’s feelings. By doing so, you both become better equipped to handle stress and shape a more peaceful future.
Chapter 3: The First C – Self-Control: Modeling Calm so Your Child Can Find Balance in Turbulent Moments.
Picture yourself in a tense moment: your teenager slams the door after school, your younger child yells that homework is dumb, or your middle-schooler refuses to clean their room. Your heart might pound, and anger might rise. In these moments, the first C—Self-Control—is your most powerful tool. It means learning to steady your own emotions before you address your child’s behavior. By showing calmness, you teach them how to handle challenges without exploding. Remember, they are watching you closely. If you respond with yelling, they learn that yelling is how to cope. If you breathe deeply, speak softly, and think before reacting, they see a clear example of healthy emotional management.
Self-Control starts by noticing the warning signs in your own body. Maybe you feel tension in your shoulders or a tightness in your chest. Before words leave your mouth, pause and inhale slowly. Count to five, and then exhale just as slowly. This brief moment of quiet gives you the chance to choose your response instead of unleashing a frustrated reaction. It’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about finding a balance between understanding your child’s struggles and holding them accountable in a calm, stable way.
Think of Self-Control as a muscle you’re training. The more you practice it, the stronger it gets. There will be times when you slip—maybe you raise your voice or say something you regret. That’s okay. Acknowledge it, apologize if needed, and try again next time. Each successful moment of calm under pressure teaches both you and your child a lesson: emotions are signals, not commands. You can choose what you do next. By repeating this pattern, you model exactly the kind of emotional resilience your child needs to develop.
When your child sees you handle tough situations with a steady hand, they gradually learn that emotional upheavals can be managed. If a teenager like Ella comes home tired and frustrated, snapping at you, your composed reaction can help her feel safer. Over time, she might start to recognize her own emotional waves and try to paddle instead of drown. Self-Control isn’t magic—it won’t fix everything overnight. But as the foundation of the five C’s, it sets the tone for respectful, solution-focused communication. Before moving on to Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration, ensure that you’re ready to guide by example, showing patience and understanding even on the hardest days.
Chapter 4: The Second C – Compassion: Seeing the World Through Your Child’s Eyes and Responding with Understanding.
Compassion is about looking at your child and wondering, What might they be feeling right now? It’s the difference between judging their choices and understanding their struggles. When your child with ADHD refuses to tackle a difficult subject, like honors English, it might not be because they’re lazy. Maybe they feel anxious about failing, overwhelmed by extra workload, or worried they can’t meet expectations. Compassion invites you to step into their shoes and recognize that their fear and frustration are real. Instead of pushing harder, you ask questions, listen closely, and show that you truly care about their experience.
By practicing Compassion, you replace blame with empathy. If Rick’s son, Kevin, is afraid of taking on an advanced class, Rick might first feel disappointed or think Kevin is not trying hard enough. But through Compassion, Rick can acknowledge Kevin’s anxiety about high school. Kevin might be worried that he won’t live up to his father’s high hopes. When Rick honestly listens, he learns more about Kevin’s concerns. This understanding transforms conflict into connection. Rick can then propose alternatives—maybe an honors science class instead of English—showing Kevin that his feelings matter.
Compassion doesn’t mean letting go of expectations; it means adjusting them to fit reality. It’s about telling your child, I hear you, and I want to help. In Andrea and Ella’s case, Ella’s exhaustion after school led to battles over homework. Andrea, remembering her own teen years, understood that afternoons might not be the best homework time. She suggested trying mornings, when Ella might be more alert. This thoughtful compromise, powered by Compassion, showed Ella that Andrea respected her feelings. Over time, Ella felt less attacked and more willing to engage, because she knew she mattered.
Compassion weaves a stronger bond between you and your child. It encourages openness, honesty, and problem-solving. When a child knows that their parent sees more than just mistakes—that their parent recognizes fears, hopes, and insecurities—they’re more likely to cooperate. Compassion says, We’re in this together. As you move forward to the next steps—Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration—keep Compassion in the center of your parenting. By understanding your child’s perspective, you create a fertile ground where better communication and growth can flourish. After all, building trust and respect lays the path toward lasting solutions that benefit everyone involved.
Chapter 5: The Third C – Collaboration: Crafting Agreements and Solutions Together to Nurture Responsibility and Commitment.
Collaboration is about working with your child as a teammate rather than battling against them. Children with ADHD are often told what to do, corrected, and scolded multiple times a day. They’re used to adults giving orders, and after a while, these instructions might start to sound like background noise. When you invite your child to solve problems with you, however, something changes. They feel valued. They realize their thoughts and opinions count. This encourages them to take more responsibility because they helped shape the plan. Collaboration transforms rules from a list of demands into a shared strategy that you both agree on.
Let’s say your child struggles to get off the computer when time is up. You have been nagging and warning, but it’s not working. By sitting down and calmly talking it out, you learn why it’s so hard for them to stop. Maybe they are in the middle of an intense game level, or maybe switching activities feels jarring. Together, you brainstorm solutions—perhaps using a visual timer or a gentle two-minute reminder before logging off. You might also agree on ways to make the next task, like setting the table, more fun. By working this out collaboratively, you’re not just telling them what to do; you’re inviting them to help design a workable plan.
Collaboration recognizes that both perspectives matter. Children often see problems differently than adults. While you might think that leaving socks on the floor is pure laziness, your child might say they genuinely forget or find it hard to build cleaning habits. By listening, you gain insights that help you create a better plan. Also, involving them in the process teaches them valuable life skills—decision-making, negotiation, and problem-solving. Over time, they learn to approach challenges more confidently and responsibly.
When Collaboration becomes a habit, it lightens the emotional load on everyone. The atmosphere shifts from tension to teamwork. Your child realizes that you’re not just a source of endless demands; you’re a partner in finding solutions. This builds trust and respect, making it easier to implement the next two C’s: Consistency and Celebration. With Collaboration firmly in place, you’ll both approach future challenges with a hopeful attitude. You’re setting the stage for smooth, reliable habits and a family dynamic that embraces growth, understanding, and positive change.
Chapter 6: The Fourth C – Consistency: Building Reliable Routines and Keeping Your Word to Strengthen Trust and Stability.
Consistency is the thread that weaves everything together. After practicing Self-Control, showing Compassion, and working through Collaboration, you need a dependable structure that holds these efforts in place. Children with ADHD do best when they know what to expect. Clear expectations, steady routines, and follow-through create a sense of safety. If you set a rule—like no screen time until homework is done—stick to it. If you promise a reward, don’t forget to provide it when earned. Each time you honor your word, you show that rules are meaningful and that your child can rely on you.
Consistency can be challenging if you struggle with organization yourself. You might also feel tempted to give in after a long, exhausting day. But remember, Consistency is not about perfection. It’s about doing your best to keep the plan in motion. When slip-ups happen, acknowledge them without shame. Consider adjusting the plan if it’s too complicated or hard to maintain. Maybe you can put visual reminders on the fridge, set phone alerts, or create a simple checklist. Consistency is supported by creativity and flexibility, not rigidness.
When plans go off track—your child forgets their lunch after remembering it all week or explodes in anger after a good stretch—see it as a normal part of growth, not a failure. Talk it through. What happened? How can you both do better next time? This approach turns setbacks into learning moments. Over time, practicing Consistency teaches your child that positive habits matter and that small improvements are worth celebrating. It also assures them that home is a place of fairness and honesty.
Consistency helps your child build the internal structures they lack. Just as muscles get stronger through regular exercise, the brain builds better habits through repeated practice. The more often you both stick to the rules you’ve set, the clearer those rules become. Eventually, following routines and honoring agreements starts to feel natural. With Consistency in place, you are ready for the final step—Celebration—which recognizes the progress your child makes, no matter how small. The stable rhythm you establish through Consistency becomes the reliable drumbeat that guides your child’s growth and self-confidence.
Chapter 7: The Fifth C – Celebration: Acknowledging Growth, Highlighting Efforts, and Strengthening Your Child’s Confidence.
Celebration isn’t only for big victories—it’s for every sign of progress. Children with ADHD often hear what they do wrong. They are corrected when they forget homework, reminded to clean their rooms, and criticized for not listening. Over time, they might feel defined by their mistakes. Celebration balances that scale by making sure they know what they’re doing right. Did your child start their homework after only two reminders instead of five? That’s progress. Did they remember their backpack three days in a row? Fantastic. By noticing even small improvements, you send a powerful message: I see how hard you’re trying.
Celebration isn’t about ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about highlighting that growth is possible. When you say, I’m proud of how you handled that tough math problem, you reinforce their ability to keep trying. Even if they didn’t solve it perfectly, they didn’t give up. This encouragement helps build their internal motivation. They learn that their worth isn’t tied to perfect performance. It’s tied to effort, resilience, and willingness to improve. Over time, positive feedback helps shape stronger habits and a healthier self-image.
Small celebrations can be as simple as a high-five, a sincere compliment, or a quick note in their lunchbox. Bigger celebrations might involve a special meal or doing a fun activity together. The key is to match the celebration to the achievement and make it meaningful. This acknowledgment of their efforts shows that you’re paying attention—not just to errors, but to successes too. It helps them believe that they are capable of progress and change, which encourages them to keep trying even when they face tough challenges.
By consistently celebrating effort and improvement, you shift the focus from what your child can’t do to what they can do, and what they’re learning to do better. This final C brings the previous four together. With Self-Control, you model calmness; with Compassion, you understand their feelings; with Collaboration, you create shared plans; with Consistency, you keep those plans alive; and with Celebration, you reinforce each step forward. When you celebrate growth, you help build the confidence your child needs to carry these skills into adolescence and adulthood. They learn that their unique brain wiring is not a disadvantage—it’s just part of who they are, and they can thrive with the right support.
Chapter 8: Integrating the Five C’s – Guiding Your Child Toward Lasting Skills, Self-Discovery, and Hopeful Futures.
When you look back at the five C’s—Self-Control, Compassion, Collaboration, Consistency, and Celebration—you’ll see that they form a supportive cycle. They aren’t a checklist to race through, but rather guiding principles you return to again and again. Like practicing a sport or learning to play an instrument, these skills deepen over time. At first, it may feel awkward to pause before responding, or challenging to sit down and talk problems through with your child. But as you continue, these approaches become second nature. Each C connects seamlessly to the next, creating an atmosphere of growth and partnership.
Integrating the five C’s means recognizing that parenting a child with ADHD is an ongoing process. Just as your child’s brain continues to develop, your family’s strategies and routines may need to change. The teenage years might bring new challenges—managing smartphones, preparing for college, or handling part-time jobs. The five C’s give you flexible tools that adapt as life unfolds. Instead of feeling helpless when new issues arise, you return to the principles of calm, empathy, teamwork, reliability, and acknowledgment to find a fresh solution.
As you keep applying these skills, your child gradually learns how to govern their own emotions, set realistic goals, and take pride in their progress. They become better at explaining their needs and understanding their own brains. Over time, they’ll develop strategies that work for them, becoming adults who can advocate for themselves in school, work, and personal relationships. The journey isn’t always smooth, but your steady guidance helps them build resilience. They learn that mistakes are not the end of the world. They’re just stepping stones toward improvement.
By integrating the five C’s into everyday life, you nurture a relationship with your child that is based on trust and respect. You offer them a supportive hand rather than a wagging finger. Instead of feeling like you’re constantly putting out fires, you start to see your child’s spark—their creativity, humor, curiosity, and determination. Embrace the idea that their ADHD is not simply a weakness; it’s a part of their unique blueprint. With the right encouragement, they can grow into confident individuals who know how to manage their challenges and celebrate their strengths. The five C’s give you a roadmap that leads toward understanding, growth, and a brighter, more hopeful future.
All about the Book
Discover essential insights and strategies for understanding ADHD children with ‘What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew’ by Sharon Saline. This empowering guide offers parents valuable tools for fostering communication, connection, and success in everyday life.
Sharon Saline, a renowned psychologist, specializes in ADHD and has extensive experience helping families navigate its challenges. Her expertise offers valuable insights for parents, educators, and professionals seeking to understand and support ADHD children.
Psychologists, Teachers, Pediatricians, Social Workers, Family Therapists
Parenting Workshops, Educational Seminars, Support Groups, Child Development Research, Mindfulness Practices
Understanding ADHD, Improving Parent-Child Communication, Building Self-Esteem in ADHD Children, Managing Impulsivity and Focus
Every child with ADHD is unique; embrace their differences to help them thrive.
Lindsay Lohan, Ryan Gosling, Dr. Jane Goodall
National Parenting Product Awards, Parents’ Choice Award, Best Book Awards
1. How can you better understand your child’s ADHD thoughts? #2. What are the common misconceptions about ADHD you hold? #3. How does ADHD affect emotional regulation in children? #4. What strategies help children with ADHD manage impulsivity? #5. How can you improve communication with your ADHD child? #6. What role does routine play in your child’s life? #7. How can you support your child’s self-esteem effectively? #8. What techniques can help boost your child’s focus? #9. How does collaboration with teachers benefit your child? #10. What are effective consequences for ADHD-related behaviors? #11. How can mindfulness techniques help your ADHD child? #12. What are the best ways to praise your child? #13. How does ADHD influence social interactions and friendships? #14. What support systems exist for parents of ADHD children? #15. How can you create a calm environment at home? #16. What are the signs of ADHD fatigue or overwhelm? #17. How can you teach your child problem-solving skills? #18. What importance does play have in your child’s learning? #19. How can you advocate for your child’s needs effectively? #20. What resources can provide additional support and information?
ADHD parenting, Child psychology, Understanding ADHD, Parenting tips for ADHD, Mental health in children, Support for ADHD families, ADHD educational strategies, Communication with ADHD children, Behavioral challenges ADHD, ADHD awareness, ADHD resources for parents, Empowering ADHD children
https://www.amazon.com/What-Your-ADHD-Child-Wishes/dp/1683641049
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