Introduction
Summary of the book It’s On Me by Sara Kuburic. Let’s begin by briefly exploring the book’s overview. Imagine waking up each morning and feeling truly alive, acting not from a script handed to you by others, but from a sense of inner truth and personal freedom. Picture knowing exactly who you are, what you value, and what path you want to follow—without constantly fearing how others see you. In a world where we often chase acceptance, success, and endless distractions, it’s easy to lose track of our deepest selves. Many of us drift through life without questioning whether we are living in ways that reflect our inner essence. But what if we could reclaim that lost connection, gently peeling back the layers of noise and pressure that keep us from living authentically? Ahead lies a journey of self-discovery, one that encourages you to make peace with uncomfortable truths, face your fears, and restore genuine alignment. Step forward, explore, and discover the liberating power of living as your true self.
Chapter 1: Understanding How Daily Distractions Slowly Erode the Authentic Core of Who We Are.
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In our modern world, it’s all too common to begin each day with a series of small, almost automatic habits that quietly shape who we become. We might reach for our phones before our eyes fully open, scrolling through endless updates and messages that pull us away from our own thoughts. Before long, we’re rushing through routines, following external demands and subtle pressures. Over time, these tiny moments compound, gradually chipping away at the foundation of our authentic selves. It’s as if we’re drifting along a river of information and expectation, never pausing to question where that river is headed. In this environment, we can easily feel as though we’re performing on a stage built by others, working hard to meet standards that do not belong to us. As the noise intensifies, the fragile core of our genuine identity can become blurred, distant, and hard to recognize.
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This gradual erosion of authenticity doesn’t always happen dramatically. Instead, it creeps up on us, inch by inch, until one day we realize we hardly know our own thoughts, desires, or dreams. We live in times where countless images, opinions, and stories fill our minds, leaving little room for quiet reflection. We might notice ourselves laughing politely in conversations that don’t truly interest us, agreeing with viewpoints we don’t fully share, and filling our free hours with digital entertainment that keeps our brains busy but not nourished. This disconnect can lead to emotions like anxiety or an unsettling emptiness, yet we rarely understand the root cause. The result is a subtle emptiness, as if we’ve handed over the keys to our inner home, letting external voices shape us instead of listening to our inner guide.
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To understand self-loss, consider that every human being has an inner landscape rich with values, yearnings, and stories that define who they truly are. Without careful attention, that landscape gets covered by layers of dust carried in from the outside world. These distractions can come from social media, the pressure to fit into certain roles, or the desire to meet unrealistic standards set by peers, family, or society at large. Over time, it becomes difficult to differentiate between what we truly feel and what we’ve been conditioned to feel. Instead of listening to our inner voices, we absorb external narratives about success, happiness, and worth. Straying from our authentic core might feel harmless at first, but it gradually leaves us feeling uncertain about our lives, our motives, and our relationships, as though we are strangers behind our own eyes.
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If we let this drifting continue, our lives become a hollow performance, filled with actions that lack personal meaning. We may excel in some areas—achieving good grades, receiving promotions, or gaining popularity—but deep down, we might sense a quiet despair. By drifting away from our authentic center, we lose a compass that helps guide us toward decisions and experiences that feel fulfilling. Recognizing this gradual erosion is the first step toward healing. Once we acknowledge the powerful current of distractions carrying us away, we can begin to paddle upstream. It requires courage, self-awareness, and a willingness to be honest about how we spend our time, energy, and attention. Most importantly, it demands we learn to see ourselves not as passive recipients of external influence but as active creators of a life aligned with our deepest truths.
Chapter 2: Exploring the Existence of Your True Self Hidden Beneath Layers of Expectations.
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For centuries, philosophers, thinkers, and everyday people have wondered what makes us who we are. Are we born with a fixed inner essence that defines our personality, interests, and character from the start? Or do we create ourselves through the choices we make, shaping our sense of self over time? Some view the self as a secret blueprint written into our being from birth—an essence waiting to be uncovered. Others argue that our identity emerges through action, growth, and continuous reinvention. Whichever perspective we lean toward, one thing is certain: our true self often lies hidden beneath layers of expectations, rules, and assumptions handed down by others. Beneath the roles we play and the masks we wear, there is something deeply personal that longs to be understood, expressed, and lived.
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In environments where demands and judgments constantly swirl around us, it’s easy for our true self to remain concealed. Perhaps you’ve felt this when trying to meet the standards of parents or teachers, or when you’ve learned to say what friends expect rather than voicing your honest opinions. Slowly, you might find yourself adopting mannerisms, interests, and beliefs that do not truly belong to you. While fitting in can feel comfortable, it can also create a subtle sense of unease, as if you’re wearing clothes that never quite fit. The deeper truth remains locked away, waiting for a quieter moment, a braver step, or a more honest reflection to emerge. Our genuine identity often hides in plain sight, whispered in the feelings and intuitions we too quickly push aside.
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Exploring what lies beneath these layers requires patience, humility, and a willingness to question the assumptions we’ve carried for years. To discover our true self, we must look at how we spend our time, how we respond to conflict, what activities bring us joy, and which relationships help us feel more like ourselves. Sometimes, it helps to remember moments when we felt truly alive—perhaps playing a sport without worrying about performance, listening to music that stirred our emotions without fear of judgment, or engaging in an honest conversation where we could be completely ourselves. These experiences act like clues, guiding us back to an inner home we may have forgotten. They remind us that authenticity isn’t something we have to create from scratch; it’s something we must uncover and nurture.
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When we become aware of this hidden self, we acknowledge that life is a process of becoming rather than a static state of being. We understand that, while outside influences might shape us, we retain the power to choose what influences us in meaningful ways. We can reframe our past experiences as stepping stones rather than defining labels. We can learn to listen more closely to that quiet inner voice and let it guide our actions. By doing so, we start to reveal our true nature—an identity shaped not by what pleases others, but by values, passions, and beliefs that genuinely resonate within us. This process of exploration may take time, but it leads us closer to understanding who we really are, beyond the surface expectations and the scripts we’ve been given.
Chapter 3: Creating Inner Space to Rediscover Personal Freedoms and Release Deep-Seated Old Limitations.
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A critical step in reclaiming authenticity is making room within ourselves. Think of your mind and spirit as a cluttered attic. Over the years, you’ve stored old beliefs, outdated habits, and countless distractions there. Perhaps some items were placed by you, but many were added by others. This clutter makes it hard to move freely and see what’s truly important. To rediscover who you are, you must clear some of this space. Just as we declutter a messy room to find what we really need, we must gently set aside what no longer serves us inside our own hearts and minds. By doing this, we create breathing room—an environment where our true self can stretch, breathe, and become more visible.
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Creating space doesn’t always mean traveling to distant lands or making dramatic life changes, though such experiences can help. It might simply mean slowing down, spending time alone, and turning off the endless noise of social media. It could involve writing down your thoughts and noticing which ideas excite you, which leave you drained, and which feel foreign or forced. Every time you carve out moments of quiet, you allow your mind to settle and your inner voice to speak up. Without that quiet, it’s difficult to hear subtle whispers that guide you toward authenticity. Space can also emerge when you learn to say no to commitments that feel hollow, or when you let go of things you once clung to out of fear, habit, or the need for approval.
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This process of creating inner space often reveals hidden wounds and misplaced loyalties. You might realize you’ve been holding onto beliefs that no longer reflect your values. Perhaps you discover that the opinions of certain people weigh heavily on your decisions. By noticing these influences, you can begin to loosen their grip. You can see how they confine your choices and limit your growth. This might feel uncomfortable because it challenges the familiar—even if the familiar was never truly helpful. But just as we must part with old, tattered clothing that no longer fits, we must learn to release long-held patterns that keep us from thriving. In letting go, we do not lose ourselves; instead, we find the freedom to become who we are meant to be.
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As you create more space, you give yourself permission to experiment, reflect, and rediscover. Perhaps you try a new hobby, spend time in nature, or rekindle a friendship based on mutual understanding rather than superficial interests. Maybe you learn to relax more, to notice how your body feels when you’re calm versus when you’re tense. Over time, these small experiments help you identify what truly resonates. Just as an artist clears a canvas before beginning a new painting, you are preparing a blank space for something meaningful and honest to emerge. With each step, you grow more confident in leaving behind old baggage. In this newfound room, you can begin to shape a life that reflects your genuine essence, embracing both freedom and responsibility for what you choose to keep or discard.
Chapter 4: Reconnecting With Your Physical Body to Restore Sensation, Movement, and True Presence.
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We often treat our bodies as machines, pushing them to perform tasks, meet schedules, and carry our minds around. It’s easy to forget that our bodies are not separate from who we are, but integral parts of our whole being. When we ignore our physical selves—failing to notice tension, discomfort, or the pleasure of movement—we cut ourselves off from a vital source of understanding. By reconnecting with the body, we anchor ourselves in the present moment, freeing our attention from constant mental chatter. Instead of living only in our heads, we rediscover that the body holds wisdom, urges, and warnings. Whether we’re tired, stressed, or excited, our physical reactions offer clues about our emotional states and the decisions we need to make.
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One way to rebuild this connection is through mindful movement. Imagine finding a quiet space where you feel safe, free from judgment. Perhaps you put on gentle music or simply listen to your breath. There, allow your body to move as it wishes. There’s no need to impress anyone or follow a perfect rhythm. Instead, you might sway, stretch, dance, or simply breathe deeply. By doing this regularly, you learn to trust the signals your body sends. If your shoulders feel heavy, maybe it’s a sign of stress. If your legs ache, perhaps you’ve been sitting too long. Over time, this practice helps you interpret the language of your body, guiding you toward healthier habits and more balanced choices.
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Another powerful tool is breath awareness. Our breath is a built-in reminder that we are alive. By focusing on it—feeling the rise and fall of the chest, the sensation of air traveling in and out—we become more grounded. If we notice our breathing is shallow or fast, it might reflect anxiety or tension. By intentionally slowing the breath and making it deeper, we can calm the nervous system and find clarity in chaotic moments. These simple acts—paying attention to how we move and how we breathe—invite a quiet form of self-awareness that requires no special equipment or complex training. They help us feel present, calm, and more connected to our internal worlds.
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The journey to reconnect with the body is not about perfection. It’s about learning to recognize when we’re tired and need rest, when we’re hungry and need nourishment, or when we’re joyful and want to celebrate movement. By becoming attentive to the signals of our bodies, we rebuild trust in ourselves. This trust allows us to acknowledge discomfort and take steps to ease it, notice energy and find ways to express it, and sense when something feels right or wrong at a physical level. Ultimately, treating our bodies as allies rather than tools expands our awareness of who we are. It brings us one step closer to authenticity, grounding our identity not just in thoughts and words, but in the living, breathing experience of being human.
Chapter 5: Embracing the Full Spectrum of Emotions to Illuminate What Truly Matters Most.
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Emotions often get a bad reputation. We’re sometimes taught to see them as messy, irrational, or weak. As a result, many people grow up trying to hide their sadness, ignore their anger, or dismiss their fears. Yet, emotions are neither good nor bad by themselves—they’re signals, guiding our attention to what’s important in our lives. Joy might hint at what we should pursue, while sadness or anger can highlight areas of needed change. By learning to recognize and honor these feelings, we stop treating them as enemies and start viewing them as helpful messengers. Instead of numbness, we choose curiosity. Instead of pushing away what we feel, we ask ourselves why we feel it. Through understanding emotions, we gain insights into our values, desires, and the changes we need to make.
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Surprisingly, an emotion’s natural lifespan is short when left to unfold without interference. If we feel a rush of anger, for instance, and simply notice it—acknowledging its presence without judgment—it often fades within moments. The problem arises when we resist or feed these emotions with repetitive thoughts. By replaying an upsetting scenario in our minds, we reactivate the anger repeatedly, giving it new life. By denying or suppressing sadness, we push it deeper inside, where it lingers and quietly disturbs our well-being. Alternatively, by welcoming our emotions, we allow them to come and go as they need. This approach helps us understand why certain events trigger specific feelings. We learn which relationships uplift us and which drain us. We discover what truly matters, because emotions frequently point us toward or away from meaningful paths.
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It can help to look at emotions as a palette of colors. Just as an artist uses a variety of hues to create a meaningful picture, we use a range of emotions to paint the landscape of our inner world. Joy is bright and warm, anxiety might feel tense and edgy, sorrow deep and heavy. By tuning into all these shades, we see a clearer portrait of our needs and longings. For example, if we feel restless at a party surrounded by laughter, it might mean we crave a more honest connection. If we feel relief when leaving a stressful environment, it signals that our wellbeing thrives elsewhere. Emotions tell us where we stand and where we want to go, if we are willing to listen and learn from them.
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Learning to embrace our full range of emotions does not mean letting our feelings run our lives unchecked. Instead, it means honoring them as signals and balancing them with reason, reflection, and conscious choice. By paying attention, we gain the power to respond, rather than react. For example, if frustration arises at school, we can pause, notice its presence, and understand its root—a misunderstood instruction or a fear of failing—before deciding how to act. Over time, this approach transforms emotions into allies. They become sources of information that guide us toward people, activities, and values that resonate with our true selves. With practice, we learn to trust our inner emotional compass, using it to navigate life’s challenges and opportunities while remaining authentic, aware, and deeply human.
Chapter 6: Accepting Existential Freedom and Claiming Responsibility for Shaping Your Own Life’s Meaning.
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At the heart of authenticity lies a profound truth: we have the freedom to shape our own lives. Though it can feel scary to realize that no one can fully decide our destiny except ourselves, it is also an invitation to live with intention. This freedom doesn’t mean life will be easy or simple. On the contrary, stepping into our freedom means acknowledging that we are constantly making choices, big and small. We must bear the responsibility for those choices, their consequences, and their impact on our lives. It can be tempting to hide behind excuses, follow someone else’s path, or blame external circumstances. However, true personal growth emerges when we understand that we are authors of our own stories and that our actions create our essence.
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This acceptance doesn’t mean we can control everything. Life unfolds with both predictable patterns and surprising twists. We might face unexpected losses, difficulties, or opportunities. But even in these moments, we have a choice in how we respond. We can give in to despair, or we can redefine our purpose based on what we learn from hardship. Embracing existential freedom involves recognizing that we do not always choose what happens to us, yet we always choose how we interpret and move forward. This perspective can be challenging, especially when fear, uncertainty, or the desire to please others weighs heavily on our minds. Yet, by daring to see ourselves as free agents, we open the door to a life guided more by our own inner truth than by external pressures.
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In claiming responsibility for our lives, we tap into a reservoir of inner strength. If we linger in the belief that fate or others control us, we become passive, waiting for instructions or guidance that may never come. By choosing differently—by reminding ourselves that we have the power to decide our reactions, passions, and paths—we liberate ourselves. We can set personal goals that reflect our values, experiment with new experiences, and learn from our failures. Responsibility does not weigh us down; it empowers us. It gives us permission to evolve, correct our course when needed, and celebrate our growth. This shift in perspective can be transformative, turning obstacles into stepping stones and confusion into clarity.
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As we practice accepting our freedom, we also learn that it’s okay to feel uncertain. Not knowing exactly who we are or what we want is not a flaw—it’s part of being human. Just as an artist begins with a blank canvas, we start with possibilities. Each decision we make—what to study, who to spend time with, which activities bring us joy—adds strokes to our personal canvas. Over time, a picture emerges, reflecting our evolving identity. This picture might change as we grow older, gain new perspectives, and discover fresh interests. By accepting the ongoing process of becoming, we learn to feel less threatened by the unknown. Instead, we embrace it as the landscape where our authenticity thrives, guided by a freedom that both challenges and inspires us.
Chapter 7: Building Authentic Habits and Aligning With Core Values to Live More Deeply Connected.
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Once we understand our freedom, recognize our emotions, and reconnect with our bodies, the next step is to create habits that support authenticity. Habits are like the building blocks of our daily lives. If our routines reinforce values we don’t believe in, we drift away from ourselves. If they reflect what matters most to us, we feel purposeful and energized. For example, if quiet reflection matters, we might set aside time each morning to journal. If kindness is important, we practice small acts of generosity regularly. Over time, these actions become natural patterns that reflect who we truly are. By choosing habits with care, we prevent ourselves from slipping back into old, unhelpful patterns that concealed our true identity.
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Aligning with core values means understanding what truly matters. Maybe honesty, creativity, community, or learning are values that speak to your heart. Once you identify these values, you can measure your decisions against them. When facing a dilemma—such as whether to pursue a certain hobby, invest time in a relationship, or accept a job offer—you ask: does this choice honor my core values? If yes, you proceed with confidence. If not, you reconsider. By using values as a compass, you create a consistent direction for your life. This doesn’t mean everything becomes easy, but it does mean you have a north star that helps you make sense of complex situations. Over time, following your core values will give your life coherence and depth.
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These new habits and value-driven choices help you cultivate a life that feels whole rather than fragmented. Instead of feeling pulled in every direction, you develop a steady rhythm that supports authenticity. You might find yourself feeling more at peace, more willing to express opinions honestly, and less worried about fitting into narrow molds. By acting in ways that align with what you believe, you gradually build self-trust. That trust, in turn, makes you more resilient. Even when you stumble or make mistakes, you know you’re trying to live in harmony with your inner truth. This resilience helps you adapt when life changes, confident that you can remain true to yourself no matter what new challenges arise.
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Over time, these efforts create a deeply connected existence. Connected to what? First and foremost, to yourself, understanding your feelings, respecting your body, and embracing your uniqueness. But also connected to others, because authenticity attracts healthier, more genuine relationships. When you show up as yourself, you invite others to do the same, strengthening bonds built on honesty and mutual respect. You find greater purpose in your pursuits because they reflect what matters most to you. Decisions no longer feel like chores, but meaningful steps along a path you have chosen. Ultimately, building authentic habits and aligning with core values forms a lifestyle that supports growth, richness of experience, and a sense that you are not a stranger in your own life. Instead, you are a fully engaged participant, crafting your own story.
All about the Book
Dive into Sara Kuburic’s ‘It’s On Me, ‘ a transformative exploration of self-empowerment and personal growth. This compelling narrative offers practical insights and encouragement, guiding readers towards a more liberated and fulfilling life.
Sara Kuburic is a renowned author and life coach, celebrated for her engaging writing and profound insights into self-discovery and empowerment, inspiring readers to embrace their true selves.
Life Coaches, Psychologists, Authors, Educators, Mental Health Professionals
Reading self-help books, Journaling, Meditation, Attending workshops, Engaging in group discussions
Self-identity, Mental health awareness, Empowerment and independence, Overcoming societal expectations
Embrace the path that calls to you, for only you can define what ‘on me’ truly means.
Oprah Winfrey, Brené Brown, Eckhart Tolle
Best Self-Help Book of 2023, Readers’ Choice Award, Literary Excellence Award
1. How can self-acceptance transform your daily life? #2. What are effective ways to set personal boundaries? #3. How do we cultivate genuine self-love practices? #4. What role does vulnerability play in relationships? #5. How can we identify and challenge negative thoughts? #6. What steps help in practicing gratitude consistently? #7. How does mindfulness enhance emotional well-being? #8. What strategies improve communication in personal connections? #9. How can storytelling aid in self-discovery journeys? #10. What are techniques to manage anxiety effectively? #11. How can embracing imperfections foster personal growth? #12. What impact does journaling have on self-reflection? #13. How can we nurture empathy in ourselves and others? #14. What methods help in overcoming fear of failure? #15. How can we create a supportive social environment? #16. What habits promote emotional resilience in challenging times? #17. How does understanding your values guide decision-making? #18. What practices deepen our connection to our desires? #19. How can we shift our mindset towards positivity? #20. How do we embrace change as a positive force?
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