Introduction
Summary of the book Smart Girls Screw Up Too by Bella Zanesco. Before we start, let’s delve into a short overview of the book. Imagine feeling stuck in a life that no longer makes you happy. You wake up every morning, and something feels off. You might be bored, sad, or simply disconnected from the person you truly want to be. But guess what? You are not alone. Many people go through times when they feel lost or uncertain. The good news is that change is possible. You can learn how to guide yourself away from gloomy feelings and toward a life that feels exciting, bright, and filled with meaning. This journey isn’t about never messing up or magically becoming perfect. It’s about understanding your mistakes, learning from them, and growing stronger each day. In the following chapters, you’ll explore ideas on how to nurture your body, open your mind, follow your heart, and choose supportive people to have around you. Ready to discover what happens when you decide to rise up and shine?
Chapter 1: Understanding Why Life Feels Off Track and How to Regain Your True Direction.
Sometimes life feels like a puzzle where a bunch of pieces have gone missing. You might look at your days and wonder, How did I get here? Maybe you once had big dreams or a clear plan for how your life would turn out. But somewhere along the way, you lost sight of those dreams. Instead of waking up excited about what’s coming, you find yourself feeling bored, tired, or even gloomy. This feeling can show up in different ways. Perhaps you dislike your routine, feel disappointed in your career path, or simply sense that you have drifted far from what once mattered most. The point is, if you feel disconnected, it’s important to ask yourself honest questions. Understanding why things feel off track can help you see where you need to go next, making it possible to find a better, happier direction.
One helpful step is to pause and think deeply about your current situation. Consider writing down three important points: first, what problems are weighing you down right now; second, how you typically feel on an ordinary day; and third, how you would like to feel in the future. Doing this simple exercise can show you the difference between your present life and your desired life. Maybe you’re always tired, easily irritated, and find no joy in your daily tasks. If that’s true, how would you prefer to feel? Perhaps energized, interested, confident, and ready to take on new challenges. Once you know what you want to change, you can map out the steps to get there. By clearly identifying what’s wrong, you give yourself a starting point for moving toward a more positive future.
Looking back can also help you move forward. Ask yourself if there was a time when your life started to drift away from what you loved. Maybe you took a job you never liked, simply because it was available, and that led you down a path that felt less and less right. By remembering when things began to change, you can reconnect with the passions and interests you left behind. Sometimes, we find ourselves in careers or relationships that don’t match who we truly are, just because we didn’t notice when we stepped off the path that made sense to us. Pinpointing those past moments gives you the chance to rediscover the dreams you once held dear and to start guiding yourself back toward them.
It’s important to remember that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Some people feel guilty for focusing on their own needs, as if it’s a luxury they don’t deserve. But if you neglect what makes you happy and healthy, it’s hard to live a life filled with meaning. Taking time for yourself is like watering a plant so it can grow strong and bloom. When you begin to understand where things went wrong and what you truly need, it becomes easier to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. The more you acknowledge your emotions and recognize what must change, the quicker you can steer yourself out of the darkness and into a brighter place. With that mindset, you’ll be prepared to explore positive beliefs, healthy habits, and supportive connections.
Chapter 2: Unlocking the Power of Positive Beliefs and Discovering Your Life’s Guiding Vision.
Many of us know that simply telling someone, Cheer up! isn’t helpful when they’re sad. Changing how you feel isn’t as easy as flipping a switch. Yet, creating a more positive outlook on life can make a huge difference. Think of your mind as a filter that decides what details to notice in the world. If you believe everything is terrible, you’ll see only problems, pain, and fear. But if you start believing there’s kindness, hope, and excitement out there, you’ll begin spotting all the wonderful things you once missed. Your beliefs shape your emotions, which then guide your actions, building habits that eventually form your reality. By choosing to believe in the possibility of good, you encourage yourself to take steps that lead to a more uplifting life.
Of course, it’s not always easy to believe positive things, especially if something painful caused your viewpoint to become negative in the first place. Maybe a traumatic event or a series of disappointments made you feel that hoping for better days is foolish. Still, it’s possible to shift your thoughts gently toward a more encouraging perspective. Think back to a time when you felt hopeful and excited about your future. What dreams did you have then? What possibilities made you smile? Even if reconnecting with these memories is challenging, it can shine light on what’s missing from your current life. Realizing that hope once existed can help you see that hope can return.
Once you’ve decided that a brighter outlook is worth aiming for, it’s time to figure out where you’re headed. Without a guiding vision, making positive changes can feel like wandering around in the dark. Consider what kind of life you want to lead. Ask yourself what legacy you hope to leave behind. Imagine someone giving a speech about you at the end of your life—what would you want them to say? This exercise isn’t meant to be gloomy. Instead, it can help you see what truly matters to you. It can help you set goals that line up with your core values, rather than chasing someone else’s idea of success.
When your beliefs are more positive and you have a vision guiding you, decision-making becomes more purposeful. Instead of choosing paths out of fear or by accident, you start picking directions that help you grow closer to your dreams. You stop feeling like a leaf blown around by the wind and start feeling like a sailor steering your own ship. Positive beliefs don’t mean you’ll never face sadness or difficulty. They simply mean that when trouble comes, you’ll have the inner strength and clarity to navigate through it. Remember, your viewpoint influences how you experience life. By adjusting your perspective and mapping out a vision of who you want to become, you’re giving yourself the best possible chance to move forward with hope and determination.
Chapter 3: Improving Your Well-Being Through Body Alignment, Yoga, and Stress Reduction.
Changing the way you think is powerful, but it’s often easier to believe in a brighter world when your body feels calm, strong, and balanced. One way to help your mind and body work together in harmony is through yoga. Yoga isn’t just a series of stretches; it’s a practice that encourages proper posture, controlled breathing, and relaxation. These actions help switch off your body’s fight-or-flight responses, which produce stress hormones and keep you feeling tense. Instead, yoga helps activate your body’s rest-and-digest mode, allowing happy chemicals like serotonin and dopamine to flow, calming your nervous system. When you’re less stressed, it’s easier to think clearly, embrace positivity, and take steps toward the life you want.
You might wonder why standing tall and breathing deeply can make such a difference. It helps to know that your nervous system has different parts. Your sympathetic nervous system prepares you for emergencies, making your heart race and your body tense. This is useful if you’re in danger, but not so great if it’s happening all the time. On the other hand, your parasympathetic nervous system helps your body relax, slow down your heartbeat, and feel safe. Yoga supports this relaxed state by encouraging better posture and alignment. When your body is aligned, important nerves like the vagus nerve can do their job, sending signals that it’s okay to be calm and at peace.
Imagine your nervous system as a two-way street: one side signals danger and stress, while the other side signals safety and calm. When you spend hours hunched over a computer or slouching, your body feels trapped in a tense position. This can tell your brain something is wrong, keeping you on edge. Yoga poses help open up your chest, lengthen your spine, and release tight muscles. These small changes can add up, making you feel more relaxed and open to positive emotions. Over time, yoga can boost not only your mood but also your confidence, making it easier to tackle challenges and try new things.
You don’t have to be a yoga expert to enjoy the benefits. Start with simple poses, guided by a class or online tutorial. Focus on slow, steady breathing. Notice how your shoulders might drop and your forehead might soften. As you practice, you’ll become more aware of how tension and relaxation feel in your body. You’ll learn to recognize when you’re getting stressed and find ways to gently bring yourself back to a calm center. When your body feels supported and cared for, it’s far more natural to approach life’s ups and downs with a balanced, positive mindset. Embrace yoga and see it not just as exercise, but as a tool to unite a healthier body with a calmer, more hopeful mind.
Chapter 4: Listening to Your Gut, Nourishing Your Body, and Trusting Your Heart’s True Signals.
Your body speaks in quiet ways, and sometimes we forget how to listen. Your gut, for example, has millions of tiny messengers that talk directly with your brain. What you eat can affect how you feel, both mentally and physically. Certain foods help produce chemicals that keep you calm, focused, and happy. If your gut isn’t healthy—perhaps due to a poor diet—it can lead to feeling tired, anxious, or moody. The good news is that by choosing foods that support good bacteria in your gut, you can improve not only your digestion but also your overall emotional well-being. A balanced gut means a more stable mood, making it easier to hold onto positive thoughts and feelings.
You might be surprised by how closely your gut and your mind are linked. Foods rich in fiber, such as fruits and vegetables, help create butyric acid, which supports healthy brain function. Probiotics, found in foods like yogurt or fermented vegetables, help break down proteins and fats so your brain can receive the fuel it needs. On the flip side, if your gut lacks the right nutrients, it can lead to reduced production of happy chemicals like serotonin. This can cause you to feel low or anxious more often. By learning which foods help you feel your best—such as lean meats, leafy greens, nuts, seeds, and healthy fats—you’re giving yourself a powerful tool to improve your mood.
But it’s not just about the gut. Your heart also sends signals about what feels right or wrong in your life. Sometimes, we ignore the sinking feeling in our chest as we head to a job we dislike, or brush off that flutter of excitement when we think about a new hobby. Yet, these sensations often guide us toward choices that make us truly happy. Your heart might be telling you that it’s time to change directions, to explore something that sparks your interest and creativity. Listening to this inner compass can help you realign your life’s path and return to pursuits that bring genuine satisfaction.
When you combine a healthy gut with an open heart and a calm mind, you create a solid foundation for growth. Good food choices keep you energized, stable emotions keep you motivated, and a courageous heart keeps you on track toward meaningful goals. Together, these elements help you face challenges with confidence and curiosity, rather than fear and doubt. Paying attention to your body’s signals is like tuning in to a wise friend who always has your best interests at heart. The more carefully you listen, the easier it becomes to find balance, navigate difficult decisions, and create a life that truly fits your dreams and values.
Chapter 5: Escaping the Shadow Career and Discovering Work That Fires Up Your Soul.
Have you ever gone to bed wishing the next morning wouldn’t come because you dread your job? Many people find themselves in shadow careers, doing work they never really cared about, just to earn money or please someone else. They might have slipped into a job years ago and stayed there, even though it wasn’t what they truly wanted. It’s important to recognize that while money matters, it isn’t the only thing that makes a career worthwhile. Feeling excited, purposeful, and fulfilled in your work can make a huge difference in your overall happiness.
Sometimes, the hardest part is figuring out what you actually want to do. Ask yourself simple questions: What activities make you lose track of time? What skills do you love using? What kinds of challenges make you feel alive rather than drained? Write down your curiosities. Maybe you are curious about helping people express themselves through art, or curious about fixing problems in your community. These curiosities can guide you toward careers that matter to you. Remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out at once. Start small—do a little research, talk to someone in the field you admire, or take a class to learn a new skill.
You might worry that following your passion won’t pay the bills. If that’s a concern, try to prepare carefully before leaping into a new field. Having some savings to cover your expenses for a year can relieve stress while you explore new opportunities. Another option is to keep your current job while spending your free time pursuing what you love. Over time, you can build skills, make connections, and possibly transition into a job that lights up your life. There’s no single right path; you can approach this change in a way that feels safe and smart.
When your work matches who you are, you’re more likely to feel proud, excited, and motivated. Instead of counting down the hours until quitting time, you might find yourself losing track of time because you enjoy what you do. You’ll feel more confident, and that confidence can spread into other areas of your life, giving you the energy to tackle personal projects, hobbies, and friendships with a fresh perspective. Finding meaningful work isn’t about perfection. It’s about continuously refining your choices until you create a situation where your talents, interests, and values align, allowing you to shine brightly and feel truly alive.
Chapter 6: Embracing Creative Play and Leisure to Unlock Hidden Emotions and Insights.
In a world that values productivity and achievement, it’s easy to forget the importance of doing things just for fun. Activities like dancing, painting, or playing music—without competing or worrying about being good—can free your mind. When you engage in creative activities simply for enjoyment, you release stress, break patterns of negative thinking, and allow your emotions to surface in unexpected ways. This is because leisure activities give you space to explore thoughts and feelings that stay hidden when you’re rushing through daily tasks.
Dancing, for example, can clear away the heavy clouds of worry. Researchers have found that dancing can interrupt negative thought loops that fuel anxiety and depression. By focusing on movement, rhythm, and the music’s flow, you get out of your head and into your body. During these moments, your inner critic grows quiet, and you may suddenly understand something deeply personal—like recognizing that a relationship needs more attention or that you’ve been ignoring a part of yourself that longs to be heard. These breakthroughs can guide you toward making healthier choices in life.
Think about a pastime that could help you relax and feel present. It could be anything that captures your interest—photography, playing guitar, baking, or sewing. The goal is not to become a famous artist or win contests, but to feel connected and free. When you let go of the idea that everything must be perfect or useful, you make room for true self-discovery. Leisure isn’t a waste of time; it’s a pathway to understanding yourself on a deeper level. It can reveal hidden passions, unresolved emotions, or dreams you’ve long forgotten.
By rediscovering the joy of simply playing—without judgment or pressure—you give yourself a gift. You learn to be kinder to yourself, to accept flaws, and to appreciate the present moment. This softness toward yourself can then spill over into other parts of your life. You might find that you communicate more honestly with friends, tackle problems at work with more creativity, and approach challenges with a sense of calm confidence. Embracing leisure and creative play helps you grow as a person, strengthening the foundation on which you continue building a more fulfilling, balanced, and authentic life.
Chapter 7: Understanding Your Body’s Natural Rhythms and Freeing Yourself from Unnecessary Hormones.
Many girls and women grow up taking contraceptive pills without thinking much about the effects beyond preventing pregnancy. While these medications can be helpful in managing pain or other issues, they sometimes come with hidden costs to mental well-being. Studies have shown that certain birth control methods can increase the risk of depression. This doesn’t mean they’re bad for everyone, but it’s important to understand the trade-offs. Your body is a finely tuned system, and adding synthetic hormones can change how you feel, think, and even connect with your natural cycles.
Exploring natural methods like the fertility awareness approach can help you reconnect with your body’s rhythms. By tracking your cycle—knowing when you ovulate, understanding shifts in mood, and noticing changes in energy levels—you gain a greater sense of self-awareness. Instead of feeling like your hormones are a mystery, you start to appreciate how your body’s signals guide you. This can boost confidence and help you make choices that fit your well-being better.
Living in tune with your natural cycle can also help you plan your activities more thoughtfully. For instance, some phases might leave you feeling more energetic, creative, or social. Others might call for quieter reflection, rest, or self-care. By respecting these patterns, you honor your body’s needs rather than forcing yourself to operate at the same pace every single day. This balance can translate into improved mood, smoother decision-making, and a more trusting relationship with your own body.
Of course, changing your approach to birth control or giving up certain habits can be challenging. If you’ve relied on the pill for years, stepping away might feel scary. It might mean talking to a doctor, adjusting your lifestyle, eating better, and exercising regularly. But the reward can be a richer understanding of who you are naturally. As you support your body’s own rhythms, you may discover that you feel more centered, more at peace, and more in control of your emotional landscape. It’s about realizing that your body is not the enemy; it’s a partner in your journey toward health, happiness, and wholeness.
Chapter 8: Building a Supportive Inner Circle with People Who Fuel Your Growth and Happiness.
No one succeeds completely alone. Having friends and supporters who cheer you on can make the difference between staying stuck and soaring toward your dreams. It’s helpful to think about the different types of positive influences you can invite into your life. Some people inspire you with fresh ideas or exciting opportunities. Others offer a shoulder to cry on when things feel tough. Still others might challenge your assumptions and help you see the world from new perspectives. By surrounding yourself with these kinds of people, you create a network that empowers you.
Imagine having six key types of people in your circle. The catalyst opens your mind to new possibilities, perhaps recommending a book that sparks a life-changing idea. The player brings laughter, turning sadness into smiles and reminding you that life can be fun. The nurturer cares for you deeply, offering kindness and understanding when you need it most. The inspirer is always cheering you on, filling you with hope and showing you that you have what it takes. The challenger is someone who isn’t afraid to question your thoughts, pushing you to grow and learn. Finally, the lover provides unconditional support, loving you simply for who you are.
Finding these people might seem tricky, but it often starts by paying attention to how you feel around others. Who leaves you feeling hopeful, motivated, and at peace? Who makes you feel heard and understood? Who sparks creative thinking and encourages you to try new things? As you identify these individuals, spend more time with them. Nurture these friendships. Over time, you’ll find your circle transforming into a safe, uplifting space that helps you through challenges and celebrates your successes.
Remember that a romantic partner doesn’t have to be all these things at once. One person cannot fill every role. That’s why a variety of supportive friends, family members, and mentors can complement what your partner offers. If you don’t have these roles filled yet, don’t worry. As you grow more confident, try joining clubs, attending community events, or reaching out to people you admire. Friendships and supportive networks take time to build, but they’re worth the effort. A caring circle can remind you that you’re never alone and that you have the strength and guidance you need to shape your life’s path.
Chapter 9: Taking Steps Toward Healthy, Fulfilling Relationships and True Love.
When it comes to love, many people worry that they’ll never find the right person. Some believe that true love doesn’t exist, while others settle for relationships that don’t fulfill them, just to avoid being alone. But real life isn’t a fairy tale, and love doesn’t always appear like magic. Instead, healthy, happy relationships often result from knowing yourself first. Before you can love someone else fully, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin and confident about who you are.
Start by dating yourself. This means taking a break from searching for a partner and focusing on personal growth. Are you taking care of your health, pursuing interests that excite you, and treating yourself kindly? By improving how you see yourself, you’ll feel less desperate to find someone else to fill in your gaps. Instead, you’ll know your value and recognize what you can bring to a relationship. This stronger sense of self makes it easier to spot partners who respect and appreciate you.
Once you feel ready, slowly start meeting new people. You don’t have to rush. Think about what you want in a partner. Do you want someone who can share their feelings openly? Someone who is supportive, fun, trustworthy, and willing to learn and grow with you? Make a list of qualities that matter most and keep it in mind as you date. It’s not about finding a perfect person—it’s about finding someone you respect and who respects you in return.
Eventually, you’ll reach a point where you feel confident choosing a partner and committing to a relationship. By then, you’ll know what truly matters and won’t settle for less. A healthy relationship should help you become a better version of yourself, not hold you back or make you feel small. If both of you share understanding, support, and kindness, you’ll be able to face life’s ups and downs together, growing stronger along the way. Love isn’t just about never arguing or walking off into the sunset—it’s about learning, adapting, and supporting each other while staying true to who you are.
Chapter 10: Changing Your Environment, Cutting Back Online Time, and Finding Peace in Nature.
Sometimes improving your life isn’t just about changing what’s inside your mind or body. It’s also about changing the spaces you spend time in. Your environment can affect your mood more than you realize. If you’re surrounded by clutter, items that carry sad memories, or constant online distractions, it’s no wonder you feel stressed. On the other hand, spending time in natural settings—like walking in a park or sitting under a tree—can lift your spirits and calm your thoughts.
Consider how certain places make you feel. Shopping malls might leave you drained and unhappy, while green spaces can refresh your mind and reduce anxious feelings. Even making simple changes, like tidying up your room or donating items that remind you of past hurts, can bring a sense of relief. Removing these emotional weights can free you to feel lighter and more hopeful. It’s also wise to take breaks from social media and screens. Constant scrolling can feed insecurity, jealousy, or fear of missing out. By stepping away, you create mental space to think for yourself and discover what truly matters.
Nature has a gentle magic that humans have relied on for thousands of years. Whether you’re gazing at the sky, breathing fresh air, or listening to birds, you’re reconnecting with something bigger than yourself. This can help quiet anxious thoughts and remind you that life is more than deadlines and likes on a post. Nature doesn’t judge you; it simply exists, steady and calm. By spending time outdoors, you allow your mind and emotions to settle, making it easier to return to your daily routine with renewed energy and focus.
Creating a peaceful environment both indoors and outdoors helps you maintain the positive changes you’ve worked so hard to achieve. When you’re less distracted and more in tune with natural rhythms, you can think more clearly and appreciate the progress you’ve made. Over time, you’ll learn which environments help you feel strong and balanced, and which ones drain your energy. Adapting your surroundings is another powerful way to care for yourself, showing that you’re serious about your journey toward a brighter, more stable, and more fulfilling life.
Chapter 11: Embracing Mistakes, Learning from Failures, and Stepping Bravely into Your Future.
No matter how carefully you plan or how positively you think, mistakes and setbacks will happen. This is not a sign that you’re doomed; it’s simply part of being human. The key is to approach errors with a learning mindset. Instead of beating yourself up when you fail at something, ask what you can learn from the experience. Did it show you a skill you need to develop? Did it reveal an area of life you’ve been ignoring? By treating each mistake as a teacher, you transform failures into valuable lessons.
Remember that being a smart girl or a wise person doesn’t mean never messing up. It means understanding that growth often comes from facing challenges and dealing with disappointment. Every time you pick yourself back up, you become stronger and more capable. Over time, you’ll trust yourself more because you know you can handle difficulties. This kind of resilience is what separates those who remain stuck in sadness from those who manage to rise above it.
As you continue forward, use all the tools you’ve gathered—positive beliefs, healthy habits, supportive friends, a purpose-driven vision, and an environment that nurtures you. Rely on your improved ability to handle stress, your connection to your natural cycles, and your willingness to follow your heart. Don’t forget that when you take care of your gut and body, you’re fueling your mind as well. When you engage in creative play, you’re discovering emotional depths and releasing hidden tensions.
Growing into the person you want to be is an ongoing adventure. There’s no final destination where you become flawless. Instead, think of life as a journey where each step helps you become truer to yourself. Celebrate the progress you’ve made, and don’t be afraid to try new paths if something doesn’t feel right anymore. By knowing yourself, trusting your instincts, and surrounding yourself with encouragement, you’re ready to face whatever comes next. Your future can be bright, meaningful, and fulfilling because you’ve learned how to guide yourself through storms and into the sunshine.
All about the Book
Discover the empowering journey of reclaiming your mistakes and embracing your brilliance in ‘Smart Girls Screw Up Too.’ This insightful guide offers practical advice and inspiration for women to harness their potential and thrive.
Bella Zanesco is a renowned author and motivational speaker, dedicated to inspiring women to embrace their unique strengths and overcome challenges in personal and professional environments.
Life Coaches, Psychologists, Human Resources Professionals, Educators, Career Counselors
Self-Improvement, Writing, Public Speaking, Networking, Creative Arts
Overcoming Self-Doubt, Work-Life Balance, Gender Equality, Empowerment and Confidence Building
Mistakes are simply opportunities to learn, grow, and become the person you were always meant to be.
Oprah Winfrey, Melinda Gates, Sheryl Sandberg
Women’s Empowerment Book of the Year, Best Inspirational Book, Readers’ Choice Award
1. Embrace failure as part of personal growth. #2. Develop a strong, confident self-awareness. #3. Find clarity in your life goals. #4. Understand the importance of emotional intelligence. #5. Cultivate resilience through life’s challenges. #6. Prioritize mental and physical well-being. #7. Improve decision-making skills for better choices. #8. Build supportive and meaningful relationships. #9. Explore career paths with aligned values. #10. Enhance creativity to solve personal problems. #11. Practice mindfulness for stress reduction daily. #12. Learn to set healthy personal boundaries. #13. Recognize and challenge limiting self-beliefs. #14. Balance work and life effectively and sustainably. #15. Identify and utilize personal strengths confidently. #16. Develop financial literacy for better money management. #17. Find joy in everyday small achievements. #18. Communicate assertively for personal empowerment. #19. Seek personal fulfillment through passion projects. #20. Adapt to change with a positive mindset.
Smart Girls Screw Up Too, Bella Zanesco, self-help for women, relationship advice, personal growth, women empowerment, confidence building, life lessons for women, overcoming failure, inspiring women stories, navigating life challenges, self-improvement books
https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Girls-Screw-Up-Too/dp/1517206358
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