Introduction
Summary of the Book Stop Checking Your Likes by Susie Moore. Before moving forward, let’s take a quick look at the book. In a world where digital notifications pour in like heavy rain, it’s easy to feel dependent on the approval of others. Yet, imagine a different path—one where you’re guided not by the flicker of online praise but by a steady inner compass. This journey involves seeing that harsh opinions may reveal others’ worries, recognizing that negative beliefs are mere ideas you can question, and daring to identify what’s missing rather than dwelling on what’s wrong. It includes learning to both give and receive, simplifying life’s demands to focus on what truly counts, and reshaping your inner voice into a gentle ally. Ultimately, it’s about stepping beyond the pull of digital applause and rediscovering your worth on your own terms. As you move forward, know that true freedom awaits—freedom anchored in who you are, not how you’re liked.
Chapter 1: Understanding The Hidden Emotional Costs Of Depending On Constant External Approval For Self-Worth.
When we rely on others’ opinions for feeling good about ourselves, we are handing over the keys to our emotional well-being to complete strangers. Imagine a scenario where every time you open your phone or glance at a screen, you feel a jolt of nervous excitement or anxious dread, all because you are waiting to see how many likes, comments, or approving reactions you’ve collected. This behavior, though increasingly common in today’s digital age, is not just a harmless habit; it can slowly erode your confidence and sense of self. You might start to believe that your personal value is dependent on the number of digital thumbs-ups you receive. Such a view turns your sense of worth into a fragile structure supported by something completely out of your control. Over time, this gives rise to immense tension, as you constantly seek more external approval.
This cycle is not merely about wanting to feel liked; it can shape the very way you think and act. For instance, you might find yourself posting something you don’t truly care about, all in the hope of attracting attention. Perhaps you present your life in an exaggeratedly positive way online, shielding any imperfections so that others will find you acceptable. The problem arises when this effort becomes a daily routine. Soon, every choice you make—from what you wear to how you spend your weekends—becomes influenced by how it will appear to others. You’re no longer living for yourself; you’re living for digital applause.
The most painful aspect of this chase is how it distances you from genuine self-acceptance. If you believe you need others’ praise to feel worthy, you stop looking within. Instead of examining your unique talents, joys, and dreams, you measure yourself by fleeting comments and tiny digital hearts. Over time, this can make you anxious and insecure. You might start to fear criticism more than anything else, feeling deeply wounded by negative remarks because your self-esteem depends so heavily on outside validation. When criticism comes—be it from strangers or acquaintances—it can shake your entire sense of identity.
Yet, understanding this trap is the first step toward freeing yourself from it. Realizing the hidden costs of chasing likes and approval online can encourage you to pause and question your habits. What if your worth didn’t hinge on others’ fleeting opinions? What if you reclaimed your confidence from those digital judgments and rooted it firmly in your own belief in yourself? By acknowledging how this cycle harms your inner world, you open a doorway to change. You become ready to explore tools and perspectives that help you trust your own value, independent of others’ praise. The journey to break free from external approval begins with seeing the emotional toll it takes—and recognizing that you deserve better.
Chapter 2: Learning To See That Other People’s Harsh Criticisms Often Reveal Their Own Insecurities, Not Your Value.
One of the greatest misunderstandings we carry is that when someone criticizes us, it must mean something is wrong with us. In reality, criticism often says more about the critic than about the target of their words. Think about this: if you encounter someone ranting that everyone must follow a very strict diet or must invest in a certain type of financial product, what does that tell you? It tells you about their personal experiences, their beliefs, and their insecurities. Their words rarely reflect some universal truth. Once you understand this, you start to see that negative judgments directed at you may simply be another person’s way of projecting their struggles, fears, or frustrations onto you.
This insight can be life-changing because it helps strip power away from the negative remarks you receive. When you stop interpreting criticisms as accurate reflections of your worth and start viewing them as clues about another person’s mindset, something shifts inside you. No longer do cruel words weigh heavily on your heart. Instead, they become passing observations—no different than the wind rustling leaves in a tree. While that wind may make a noise, it does not define you. You remain steady and grounded, seeing that these harsh opinions are not mirrors of your character but windows into someone else’s inner world.
By reframing criticism in this way, you can build emotional resilience. Imagine it as putting on a pair of glasses that allow you to understand the subjective nature of opinions. With these perspective glasses, each harsh remark appears less threatening. You might even learn to respond with calm curiosity, thinking, Interesting that this person sees me this way—what’s going on in their life? Such an approach allows you to detach from the sting of negativity. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything at all, but rather that you have a method to process these feelings without letting them overwhelm you.
Over time, practicing this perspective leads to greater inner peace. You become harder to shake. The comments that once hit you like arrows now glance off, leaving you largely unharmed. This newfound understanding also lets you extend compassion to people who criticize you. You see them as humans navigating their own insecurities. Instead of letting them control your emotional state, you remain the decision-maker of how you feel about yourself. In cultivating this viewpoint, you quietly take back your power, no longer placing your self-esteem in the hands of others’ shifting opinions. Your confidence can finally become rooted in something stable and unshakable—your own self-approval.
Chapter 3: Recognizing That Negative Beliefs About Yourself Are Just Theories You Can Question And Redesign.
Often, we hold onto negative thoughts about ourselves as if they are undeniable facts. We say, I’m not smart enough, or I’m too awkward, without ever pausing to investigate these claims. But what if those notions are not truths carved in stone, but rather flimsy theories we’ve never properly examined? By learning to question these self-limiting beliefs, we gain the power to reshape our entire understanding of who we are. When we stand before our beliefs and ask, Is this really true, or have I just assumed it? we open a door to personal liberation.
Consider a belief like I’m not successful enough. Instead of accepting this as fact, challenge it. Ask yourself: What does success truly mean? Does it mean having a million followers online, or does it mean feeling content and excited about your day-to-day life? When you define success more clearly and personally, you often find that you are far more successful than you first believed. Similarly, a thought like I’m too shy can be reframed by recognizing that quietness can be a strength: it allows you to listen deeply, observe carefully, and offer thoughtful input.
These questioning techniques help you realize that many negative beliefs come from comparing yourself unfairly to unrealistic standards. Perhaps you’ve measured yourself against someone with a completely different background, set of resources, or personal interests. Maybe you’ve swallowed societal messages that certain traits are inferior without considering how valuable your natural qualities truly are. By poking at these beliefs, you often discover they dissolve under close examination. When they vanish, you’re left with a clearer, kinder picture of yourself—one more in line with reality than with judgmental assumptions.
Repeated practice of this method allows you to steadily replace old, harmful beliefs with more truthful and nurturing ones. Instead of viewing yourself as inadequate, you can see yourself as a work in progress, capable of learning and growing every day. Where once you saw weakness, you now see potential. This doesn’t mean you pretend life is perfect, but it does mean you stop mistaking passing thoughts for permanent truth. By understanding that beliefs are flexible ideas rather than unchangeable facts, you grant yourself the freedom to rewrite your own narrative. In doing so, you break free from mental traps and move closer to a more confident, peaceful version of yourself.
Chapter 4: Looking Beyond Problems To Identify What’s Missing And How To Enrich Your Life With Authentic Fulfillment.
When something feels off in our lives, our usual instinct is to ask, What’s wrong? This question can be useful at times, but it often focuses our attention on obstacles rather than possibilities. Another, more productive question might be, What’s missing? Shifting our perspective in this way invites us to consider what we truly need—what aspect of our existence yearns for growth, attention, or renewal. Instead of viewing ourselves as broken machines that need fixing, we see ourselves as human beings who can discover new ingredients to add to our life’s recipe.
The What’s Missing for Me exercise is a simple yet powerful tool. Start by writing down all the things you’ve silently wished for but never openly acknowledged. Perhaps you’ve longed for more connection with nature, a supportive mentor, or a hobby that lights you up inside. Maybe you’ve yearned for more peace in your schedule or the courage to express your creativity without holding back. Listing these desires, even the smallest ones, helps you see that you are not simply defined by problems—your life is a canvas waiting for more colors.
Once you have identified what’s missing, the next step is to take a small action toward fulfilling one of these needs. Maybe you schedule a weekend hike in the woods to satisfy your longing for nature’s calm. Perhaps you sign up for a beginner’s art class to explore your creativity. The point is not to overhaul your entire life overnight, but to gradually enrich it by adding elements that feel genuine and meaningful to you. With each small step, you realize that your life can be shaped, adjusted, and brightened by choices that support what you’ve been missing all along.
This approach is not about ignoring difficulties, but about broadening your perspective so that problems don’t monopolize your attention. When you start focusing on what’s missing, you can transform frustration into opportunity. Suddenly, the world isn’t just a place where things go wrong; it’s a place where you can add, explore, and improve. By identifying what you truly crave—be it community, adventure, relaxation, or self-expression—you empower yourself to create a more balanced, fulfilling life. In this way, you stand a better chance of not only solving problems but also living a richer and more satisfying existence that aligns with who you really are.
Chapter 5: Embracing The Natural Flow Of Giving And Receiving To Create Harmony And Confidence In Everyday Interactions.
Many people find it easy to give but struggle to receive. They worry that accepting help or kindness means they are weak, needy, or less independent. Yet, life is a continuous exchange—everyone benefits when we allow ourselves to both offer support and receive it. When you are comfortable accepting assistance, you’re recognizing the basic truth that no one is meant to navigate life entirely alone. Instead of seeing help as a sign of weakness, consider it a bridge connecting you more deeply to others and to the richness of human community.
Learning to receive gracefully can transform your daily experiences. Imagine traveling on an airplane and struggling to place your bag in the overhead compartment. If a kind stranger offers to help, and you accept, both of you share a moment of simple human connection. This tiny exchange makes you feel supported, and the helper often feels warm satisfaction from being useful. By saying yes to help, you break the cycle of isolation and become more open to the good that others want to share.
Even nature teaches us that giving and receiving is an essential rhythm. Trees provide oxygen, and we breathe it in; we exhale carbon dioxide, and the trees use it. Rejecting help interrupts this natural flow. If you shut yourself off from others’ kindness, you may start feeling lonely, resentful, or overly burdened. Receiving doesn’t make you less capable; it reminds you that you are part of a community. Every time you accept a kindness—whether it’s a compliment, a favor, or a heartfelt I’m here for you—you acknowledge that we’re all interconnected.
Start small if this feels uncomfortable. Ask a friend to help you with a simple task or accept a compliment without making an excuse or deflecting it. Over time, these small acts build your comfort with receiving and help you see it as natural. Instead of feeling indebted or embarrassed, you begin to understand that exchanges of kindness are mutually enriching. This balanced give-and-take creates a more supportive environment for everyone involved. Eventually, your willingness to accept help and care becomes another pathway to greater self-confidence. When you allow yourself to receive, you affirm that you are worthy of good things, strengthening your inner sense of value.
Chapter 6: Reducing Overwhelm By Focusing On What Truly Matters And Transforming Everyday Tasks Into Meaningful Opportunities.
Life often feels like a never-ending to-do list, and it’s easy to get buried under countless obligations. Stress builds when we treat every chore and responsibility as equally critical. But what if you shifted your perspective and began to see your daily tasks as privileges rather than burdens? For instance, instead of thinking, I have to walk the dog, try, I get to enjoy a peaceful stroll with my dog before I start my day. This subtle change in language and thinking can reduce the anxiety surrounding your responsibilities and help you appreciate the value hidden within even the simplest routines.
Another helpful technique is to identify what’s truly essential. Instead of worrying about performing everything flawlessly, ask yourself: What really matters here? If you’re preparing a presentation and it’s causing stress, pare it down to the core points that need communicating. Simplify your approach and trust that genuine connection and clarity will matter more than excessive details. By doing this, you release the weight of perfectionism and focus on delivering what counts. This shift doesn’t only reduce anxiety but also allows you to be more authentic in how you present yourself.
Applying this mindset to health, relationships, and social obligations can make a profound difference. Maybe you feel pressure to attend every event you’re invited to, but what if you chose fewer engagements and made them more meaningful? If you’re overwhelmed by complicated health regimens, consider embracing simpler habits—like drinking enough water, sleeping well, and taking moderate walks. By focusing on what’s essential, you create a more manageable and enjoyable lifestyle. Instead of feeling drained by expectations, you can feel energized by a life that fits your real priorities.
Ultimately, this approach frees up mental space. When you stop insisting that every part of your life be perfect or prove your worth, you liberate yourself. You recognize that you don’t need to carry the weight of too many tasks, too many obligations, or too many unrealistic standards. By simplifying, appreciating what you get to do, and zooming in on what matters most, you create an environment where fewer things create stress and more things spark gratitude. Over time, this perspective can help you live with a sense of lightness, clarity, and joy—a state in which you’re not defined by endless pressure but by the mindful choices you make each day.
Chapter 7: Rewiring Your Inner Dialogue To Cultivate Unshakable Self-Approval And Emotional Resilience In A Critical World.
Our minds never stop producing thoughts, and these thoughts shape how we see ourselves and the world. If the voice in your head is constantly harsh, telling you that you must do better, look better, or be better to earn approval, life can feel like a tiring race against impossible standards. But what if you could change the tone of that inner voice? Doing so can help you find calmness and courage in a world overflowing with opinions and judgments. By consciously choosing kinder, more encouraging words, you transform your inner dialogue from a relentless critic into a supportive companion.
Start by noticing when negative thoughts arise. Maybe you worry, Everyone will judge me if I speak up. Ask yourself: Is that absolutely true? Or is it just a story your mind is telling you? Replace that belief with something more realistic and empowering: Some might have opinions, but that doesn’t define my worth. I have as much right to speak as anyone else. Over time, these deliberate replacements lead to a gentler mental environment. You’ll feel safer being yourself, trying new things, and not giving up after small missteps.
Developing this resilience doesn’t happen overnight, but with practice, you can rebuild the foundation of how you see yourself. Consider writing down a handful of affirmations that resonate with you. Maybe it’s I am capable, I am enough, or I trust myself to learn from mistakes. Revisit these phrases regularly. Let them serve as mental anchors that steady you when life feels stormy. The more you repeat them, the more natural they become, slowly quieting the old, critical narratives that used to dominate your thoughts.
As your inner voice becomes more supportive, external criticisms lose their sting. Your confidence no longer depends on pleasing everyone else. You’ll still value feedback, but you won’t confuse someone’s negative opinion for a universal truth. With a resilient mindset in place, you can show up in life as you truly are—playful, curious, honest, and human—without feeling the constant need to win approval. The world around you might still be noisy with judgments and demands, but inside, you’ll carry a calm space built on self-trust. This shift frees you to experience life more openly and bravely, cherishing yourself no matter what others say.
Chapter 8: Embracing True Personal Freedom By Releasing The Need For Online Validation And Living Authentically On Your Own Terms.
Imagine a life where you wake up in the morning feeling secure in who you are, regardless of how many people online think you’re clever, attractive, or popular. In this world, you don’t depend on the steady drip of digital approval to feel whole. Instead, you decide what matters to you. You set your own standards, choose your own values, and find happiness in experiences, connections, and personal growth that reflect your unique identity. This kind of freedom comes when you release the idea that your worth is determined by likes and comments.
Stepping into this freedom doesn’t mean you never use social media or appreciate compliments. It means you’re no longer a prisoner to them. You can enjoy technology as a tool rather than letting it define your self-esteem. When someone praises your new post, it’s a pleasant moment—not a necessary life source. When someone criticizes you, it’s no longer the end of the world. Their words don’t shake your foundation because your foundation is built from your own beliefs, experiences, and principles.
Embracing authentic self-worth might lead you to invest more time in activities that fulfill you on a deeper level. Perhaps you’ll spend more time developing a skill you love, meeting friends face-to-face, or exploring interests you never dared to try before because you feared judgment. By letting go of the need for external approval, you grant yourself permission to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them without shame. This courage naturally expands your life, bringing you richer experiences and relationships that feel genuine, not performed for an audience.
Over time, the shift from seeking online applause to embracing inner self-approval will transform how you live. You’ll start to appreciate simple things: the warmth of sunlight on your face, the laughter of a friend, the pride in finishing a challenging book, or the satisfaction of creating something just for the joy of it. Freed from the chains of external validation, you become the author of your own story. You live according to your terms, guided by what feels meaningful to you. In doing so, you reclaim your time, your energy, and your peace of mind—valuable treasures that no amount of likes could ever match.
All about the Book
Unshackle yourself from social media validation! ‘Stop Checking Your Likes’ by Susie Moore empowers readers to discover self-worth, ignite genuine confidence, and pursue authentic connections beyond likes and shares. Transform your mindset and embrace real life today!
Susie Moore is a sought-after confidence coach, writer, and speaker who inspires thousands to embrace their authentic selves and cultivate unshakeable self-esteem through engaging storytelling and practical advice.
Life Coaches, Mental Health Professionals, Social Media Managers, Personal Development Authors, Marketing Specialists
Journaling, Mindfulness Meditation, Public Speaking, Social Media Detoxing, Self-improvement Workshops
Social Media Anxiety, Lack of Self-esteem, Comparison Culture, Authenticity in Relationships
Your worth isn’t measured by a number of likes; it’s defined by how you embrace your uniqueness and authenticity.
Brené Brown, Jay Shetty, Marianne Williamson
Best Self-Help Book of the Year, Reader’s Choice Award, Gold Medal for Personal Development
1. How can I prioritize my self-worth over external validation? #2. What steps can I take to embrace my true self? #3. How does social media influence my self-esteem negatively? #4. In what ways can I cultivate genuine connections offline? #5. What practices can help reduce my need for approval? #6. How can I set healthy boundaries with social media? #7. What are effective techniques to silence my inner critic? #8. How can I celebrate my achievements without comparison? #9. What mindset shifts help in overcoming fear of judgment? #10. How do I recognize and challenge societal pressures? #11. What role does gratitude play in my self-acceptance? #12. How can I develop a routine that fosters confidence? #13. What impact does comparison have on my mental health? #14. How can I identify my passions beyond social media? #15. What are the benefits of focusing on personal growth? #16. How can I express my uniqueness authentically and fearlessly? #17. What strategies can I use to enhance my inner dialogue? #18. How do I stay true to my values in social spaces? #19. What methods can help me appreciate my individuality? #20. How can I create a fulfilling life without likes?
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